Lovers Lane (1999)
There is no such thing as safe sex.
Starring: Erin Dean, Riley Smith, Sarah Lancaster & Anna Faris
Director: Jon Steven Ward
Written by: Geof Miller, Rory Veal
Released: February 5, 2000
Budget: $500,000
Distributed: First Look Studios, Showcase Entertainment
Every so often, I’ll come across a movie title that catches me off guard. Just when I thought I knew it all and had seen every late 90’s teen slasher there is to see…here comes Lover’s Lane. Better yet…it stars Anna Faris (don’t you just love seeing actors in early horror roles). Being an independent movie, it didn’t get a wide theatrical release so it’s a safe bet that quite a few horror fans haven’t seen it either. Luckily, YouTube had an uploaded copy and I was able to see it. In HD no less. But did this film have me hooked or leave me with a broken heart?
Lover’s Lane is a very paint-by-numbers slasher that doesn’t choose to revel in being meta or hip, but rather feels and looks like it was made in the 80’s amid the post-Halloween slasher boom. It’s low-budget cinematography and questionable acting makes it an oddball among the films that came just a few years before it. However, it had a comedic charm that had me rooting for this film to be good.
Was it good? Well no. It wasn’t. It wasn’t even Sleepaway Camp’ it’s-so-bad-it’s-good kind of good. But there were many scenes in this film that made me laugh🤣 (whether intentional idk 🤷🏽♂️) so it for sure was enjoyable. Once you get over the silliness and allow yourself to just let the movie play mindlessly, then I think as a viewer you’ll be more receptive to what’s being presented.
At first I thought this film took inspiration from the I Know What You Did Last Summer’ villain with the hook hand, but it actually is based on the urban legend — The Hook. Where a couple gets murdered in the car by an insane man who escaped a mental institution. Folklore never made it to my ears when I was younger, so I’m very oblivious to these stories, but they sure do make for popular plotlines within horror. Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t add anything new to the sub-genre and isn’t going to have you replaying scenes in your head. In fact, it may only hold space in your brain for an hour and then it’ll be a murky muddle thereafter. Thus, I’d classify it as a film that will easily get lost in the fold of rewatchable slashers.
Anna Faris is of course the most recognizable face here. Very fresh as an actress and pre-Scary Movie. There isn’t much to her character except that she’s the new girl and a cheerleader, Jannelle. But you could already tell that there was a comedic genius at play. The scenes with her and the group in a hideaway house were so funny due to the dialogue and when the killer came after her — the way she grabbed 3 kitchen knives🔪🤣 the Cindy Campbell jumped out. Also, I think you can hear the director’s feet on the floorboards making creaky sounds in the scene where she’s sitting on the bed; the budget was budgeting. At first I wondered how did the killer go from being outside, to into the bedroom with her so fast? But there is a reveal which I didn’t see coming.
The scene stealer (or rather scene commander) was Chloe. She’s the popular take-charge, all-eyes-on-me type. The movie also introduces her with edgy, sexy rock music so you know exactly that she’s the bad girl in school. There are two moments involving her that are pretty alarming. Firstly, the young cop who ogles her and a guy making out in the diner in some voyeuristic way mentions to another cop how he wishes he could be her dad so he can spank her…uhm, okay creep misogynistic alert. But then, when Chloe is in the car at Lover’s Lane with Bradley (said makeout guy) a couple scenes later, she calls him a f@gg*t because he is hesitant to sleep with her after hearing a strange noise outside…needless to say there are some odd choices being made in this film. On the movie’s poster, she’s the one laying in the road and the moments thereafter with her are quite fun to watch. She has a pretty funny line about a yearbook photo when her face is disfigured via car lighter.
Is the principal/mom wearing a wig? What in the costume shop was that? Why did it look so fake?…I digress. I really liked the relationship between the mom and Mike. You can tell that the love and respect is real and that the bond between them only grew stronger ever since they lost their husband/dad respectively. As a principal she seems quite fun as evident in the sex education scene, but also holds a lot of authority and is not to be messed with. The scene where she punches the drunk girl 👊🏼😵for making remarks about her son getting laid is another belly laugh moment. Go mama 😀
I honestly feel this movie works more as a comedy than a horror. The occasional humour is the best part of it. The kills are ok, nothing to run home about and the tension is not really effective due to the lacklustre killer. With a 90 minute runtime, it goes by pretty fast. The killer reveal and motive isn’t something I saw coming. But I do like how it was set up and pieced together so it was satisfying.
Overall, I think this movie is not worth watching. It has its moments, but isn’t going to give you anything new that you haven’t already seen. I think that unfortunately it is a product of its budgetary restrictions and isn’t able to deliver on the fun thrills this sub-genre kind of requires. Now as mentioned many times before, it is very funny at some parts due to its silliness and dialogue, but as a whole film I think it didn’t quite land.
I’m going to have to give it 1.5 out of 5 hooked hands.
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