Chopping Mall (1986)
Where Shopping Costs You an Arm and a Leg!
Chopping Mall (1986) Movie Poster
🎬
Starring: Kelli Maroney, Russell Todd, Barbara Crampton, Tony O'Dell, Karrie Emerson, Nick Segal & Suzee Slater
Director: Jim Wynorski
Written by: Jim Wynorski, Steve Mitchell
Released: March 21, 1986
Budget: $800,000
Distributed: Concorde Pictures
You have to love cheesy B-horror films. Especially ones that have an outlandish premise like this.
I had known about this film for a while and knew of Barbara Crampton (because of the horror fandom’s love for her), but this was a first-time watch. Typically I like to sync my movie-watching and book-reading with each other so that they have similar themes present in both. I had just read and reviewed a middle-grade Mall-centered book, Beware of the Shopping Mall, so I thought what the heck, let’s do Chopping Mall.
Now if you hope to see some chopping of teens take place by the hands of a masked killer, then I’m afraid that’s not this film. As much as I like the film’s tagline: where shopping costs you an arm and a leg, we are talking about killer robots 🤖 protecting a mall.
And boy, do they want you to know it’s a mall. There’s a montage of all the happenings within the mall: couples widely kissing, bikini babes taking the escalator, and a waitress letting multiple cups of Cola fall as the credits appear on screen, but what made it so silly was this SEGA Genesis-sounding music. What the 64-bit was that about?
As the robots are being introduced to the employees who work at the Mall, there are two snarky and sassy characters making snide remarks during the unveiling of the new security program. I want a movie of just the two of them and their time at the mall. I bet they are hilarious and always banter back and forth. However, the main attractions are these robots 🤖, which look clunky as hell might I add. They were also very loud. So the fact that they are sneaking up on unaware people in the film is a bit unbelievable. I wouldn’t say they look very threatening, but given that I’ve seen some large robots acting as service staff in a restaurant while in China, it’s pretty bizarre to the eye.
The movie didn’t take too long to get to the action which I appreciated. The premise is simple enough that they didn’t need to set up too much story but instead focus on the kills.
Those laser and electrocution effects though. I mean, it didn’t look all that realistic either but it was surely comical. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Especially when one character gets a laser beam to the head, exploding it instantly😅😅 It was a Mortal Kombat-level fatality. I don’t know which head blast is more ridiculous. This one or Deadly Friend’s basketball kill 🏀If you know, you know.
Although I didn’t care for any of the characters, I do think that having a party 🥳 in the mall after hours sounds like a pretty cool idea. However, could we even consider this to be a party? More like a hookup session for all the couples involved. These young adults were horny AF. Which of course meant we got an endless supply of booby-shots. It’s not an 80s Horror movie if a bra doesn’t come off.
There were a few character choices that stood out to me:
Mike and his style of gum chewing. That open, side-mouth chew just screamed “frat bro”.
The way the girls just allowed Suzie to burn 🔥 in flames, they didn’t even help her when she fell. Yes, they were being shot at with lasers, but they just stared as she screamed for help.
It was funny how the guys walked in synchronicity as they prepared to shoot the robots. That’s when I knew, this is a horror-comedy, even if it wasn’t intended to be.
They all dumbly stood in the line of fire, even though they had the smart idea to use the mannequins as a decoy.
These deaths were OK, nothing to write home about. It probably was all preventable, because they stood in the line of fire, practically begging to be shot.
I think this film could and should get a remake. If M3GAN influenced contemporary tech-based horror movies, then perhaps this should be revisited as a potential IP to update. In the right hands, I think it could be good. However, mall culture is basically extinct at this point and no longer serves as the primary spot for teens and young adults to hang out at anymore, so I’m not sure how to switch up that aspect.
I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this film, but I think it’s a good choice for a double feature with Deadly Friend or if you’re into tech horror. Otherwise, it’s a skip.
I give this film 2 out of 5 laser beam head explosions.
Have you ever worked at a mall? What are your thoughts on this film? Share your thoughts and comments below.
